I have a lot of back story to tell you, but for now, I just wanted to write my inaugural post here at Life Rising.
Today is Valentine’s Day. A day of chocolate, love, (see how I said chocolate first?), friends, and Hallmark. Mostly, Hallmark. I’ve never hated Valentine’s Day, nor have I really had any real reason to celebrate. This year, I woke up on my very first Valentine’s Day WITH a Valentine. Well, we didn’t wake up together, but I do have a Valentine. And it feels kind of awesome.I never really ever saw that happening. Me. With a Valentine. I wanted one. I’ve always wanted to have one. But never thought I’d actually have one. Who was going to love me? Who could possibly love ALL of me? I’m pretty sure my parents would’ve loved me more if there had been less of me. And maybe there was more of me, because my parents didn’t love me anyway. I’m not sure how that works.
What I can tell you, is that for the first time ever in my Valentine’s life, I’m feeling pretty good. Pretty damn good actually. At this very moment, I’m trying to talk myself out of going to the gym tonight and staying home. Putting on my pajamas as soon as I get home, and maybe, if it works out, popping over to my Valentine’s house for a little Valentine’s smooch.
This past week, I’ve gone back to wearing some of my sexy lingerie to bed. I did wear it for the longest time, and then it just started pulling at the seams, and not sitting quite right. I didn’t feel comfortable, never mind sexy in them. There was no way I was going to wear them to bed. Even though I loved them. Even though I spent a lot of money collecting really beautiful pieces. If they didn’t fit right, and if I didn’t feel fabulous..I wasn’t about to wear them, as a reminder that I wasn’t sexy. That I shouldn’t be wearing that kind of stuff to bed. It seemed easier just to sleep naked.
Well. There’s something very sexy about sleeping naked..that’s for dang sure. But when one is not happy with their physical-ness, sleeping naked isn’t all that awesome. Thankfully, this past year has been all about bringing my sexy back. Feeling comfortable in my own skin. Owning what I’ve got. And especially, owning what I’ve no longer got. Oh yes, a much smaller me. Not as small as I’d ultimately like to see myself, but small enough.
I won’t bore you with a bunch of details about how I’ve never been more in love with myself than I am at this moment, no matter how true that is, or tell you all about how hard I’ve worked this year, on every single level, to get here…although I think I just did…what I will tell you is that on this particular Valentine’s Day…my sexy is back..and I”m hoping to pop by my Valentine’s place and shake my sexy up on the hood of my car…maybe.
shhh…don’t tell anyone I just said that.
I thank you for reading this, and I look forward to sharing the journey with you. I’d also love to hear your thoughts, questions, concerns, curiosities etc. There are a lot of nutrition/health/fitness related blogs on the net, so why should mine be any different from those. But to be honest, I don’t want to hold anything back. I want to tell you the whole truth…of what it’s like waking up every morning my whole life pretending like I was something other than who I was. And finally getting to a place where I couldn’t be prouder of who I am.
I promise..there’ll be photos too. Maybe even some of me in that sexy lingerie…you’ll have to come back to find out.
In the meantime..may you have a sexy Valentine’s Day, whether it’s with yourself, or with another.