Day 21 #100Days Habit Forming?

“They” say, that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Apparently, it becomes easier to do the thing you’ve been doing for 21 days, once the 21 days has passed. I don’t know how it could get easier..but I can’t wait to wake up on Day 22 and see what’s different.

Or 21 days to break one, like sugar, or smoking.

21 day challenges are aplenty if you Google 21 Day Challenges.

People go on vacation for 21 days.

21 days doesn’t really seem like a big deal…

Except maybe when you’re 21 days into a #100Days challenge and you know you still have 79 days to go.


What’s even more maddening is on Day 20..having the thought that you might want to do 200.

Today is in fact, Day 21 for Cindy and I. Both of us, unbeknownst to the other, had major dental work done yesterday (Day 20). So neither of us had the gumption for an intense bootcamp or boxing workout. Without touching base, both of us ended up walking through our 20th day. Both of us, jacked up on Advil and Tylenol because of our respective tooth aches and pains. I tell you one thing I appreciate about that very much…that the Universe thinks it’s a good idea to throw a similar/same challenge at us both on the same day so that we end up knowing we’re not alone, without even knowing until after the fact.

That’s the beauty of having a buddy to do something like this with. While she isn’t eager to jump on board to do 200 days with me…or at least the possibility of doing 200 days…she did say I could ask her on Day 99. So she didn’t say no. Those are the kind of people I want to have in my life. The kind of people who are willing to *gulp* and jump into something they don’t know if they can do. That’s what I’ve tried to do. Cold Shower Therapy worked the same way for me. I took on the 30 day challenge and never looked back. That was almost 2 years ago. Now I can’t start my day without ’em.

So how’s Day 21 shaping up? Well. I went for a walk at lunch and run some errands. I would call it less “running errands” more like “hobbling around getting some things done”. My legs are t i r e d. So tired. Which doesn’t bode well for tonight’s class which we know I don’t love. It is by far one of the hardest classes of the week.

It just has a fun name.

Hustle. Yeah. There ain’t no dancin’ that goes on in this class. Stupid hustle.

And yet I keep going. Because each week I notice I can do more than I could do the week before. That’s called Madness right?

I’m not going to lie. It’s been a rough 21 days. My life consists of work, workouts, showers/baths, dinner, Olympics, bed. Every day. For the past 21. I’ve had 2 dates for tea with friends, and one birthday dinner out, all after workouts. I try and run as many errands as I can at lunch so I don’t have to do as much on the weekends. Come the weekends, I work out, I try and get as much rest as I can, I do laundry, I clean the house, and I food prep for the week. So boring! But necessary right now. And I’m looking forward to finding some balance but mostly looking forward to being rested on a Monday morning.

So Day 21…not exactly feeling like a super hero..but getting there.



Throwing In The Towel?

Unless you’ve been here, you don’t know. You can’t know what it’s like to deal with demons and voices and noises in your head.

Granted. There are no demons. And there are no real voices. Nor are there noises that happen in your head. But you can’t tell me that there isn’t a little niggly thought back there in the recesses of your brain telling you that you can’t do it. won’t do it. and shouldn’t do it because you won’t be able to do it and you’ll end up looking stupid.

Because you will end up looking stupid.

So yesterday was Day 16 of #100Days and it was a doozy. Madness actually. Have you by any chance ever done 200 squats in one go? Or 200 push ups? Yeah. Me either. Until yesterday. 2 0 0! Who does that? Even the other trainers in the gym were like “That’s crazy.” 200 Kettle Bell swings. 200 something else. I don’t even remember. It was crazy. Everyone that was there, is sore. Of course. Last night was the first night of the challenge that I took 2 extra-strength ibuprophen before bed. I had to. I wouldn’t have been able to find a comfortable position if I hadn’t. My arms/shoulders hurt so much today I had to bend over in the shower to wash my hair. I’m not even kidding.

And this morning, I woke up and thought to myself..”What the hell am I doing? This is crazy. I’m so tired. I’m not getting enough sleep, I need a day off. Surely everyone will understand if I take a day off. It’s been 17 days already.”

But I can’t. This is what we do. We tell ourselves it’s too hard. We get uncomfortable. We think we’ve pushed ourselves as far as we can go already, and have nothing left. We can’t. We can’t.

I can’t.

But what if I can? What if the voice in my head telling me to just give up before I fall on my face, is wrong? What if I can finish up Day 17? And then Day 18? And so on? What if I start to realize I can’t do this one my own and suddenly people are coming out of the woodwork to contribute in whatever way they can. Because they want to see me win too?

Do you know what else happened yesterday? The scale claims I’ve gained another 3lbs. In addition to the other 5lbs I apparently gained last week, I’m now officially UP 8lbs since I started #100Days and I’m kinda pissed off about that. And I swear to God, if one more kind-hearted, good-natured, well meaning soul tells me that it’s muscle..that I’m gaining muscle..I’m going to have to take that muscle and put it to good use by throwing something at them. I can’t have gained 8lbs of muscle in 16 days. That’s ridiculous. Come on. Even I know that. I know I know. It’s only a number. Throw out the scale. blah blah blah. I’ve heard it all. I do not have a scale at home. Getting on the scale is NOT my idea. But as part of the Biggest Winner program, one of THEIR measurements is a weigh in every Sunday morning.

There are people who don’t come to class on Sunday because they don’t want to get weighed in. Come on people. It’s not just me. And it’s maddening. Doesn’t matter that 2 weeks prior I was DOWN 5lbs and ate exactly the same food the following week and gained 5lbs. I know. It doesn’t matter. I can feel a difference in my clothes. But do you think it matters when I step on the scale and the only thing the trainers see if my weight is going UP, not down?

I’m not doing it anymore. I’ll weigh in at the end of the 12 week program, and at the beginning of the next one. But I’m not doing it every week. It doesn’t work for me. Fuck you scale. A big giant ‘fuck you’ to you.

Today, i want to throw in the towel. But I won’t. Because if I do..I’m giving up on the 100 days, my friend Cindy AND most importantly, myself.

I have a lot of emotions around all this stuff today and the last thing I wanted to do was write about it. But if I don’t get it out of my head, I’ll likely explode and nobody needs to see that.

But let me just say..if you’ve not been here..if you’ve never struggled with your weight, body issues, self esteem, etc. you do not know. You can’t claim to know anything about it. It messes with your mind. No matter how awesome you are, the voices mess with your mind. Well, they do with mine. And right now, the voices are telling me to go home, put on my jammies and grab a bowl of popcorn and watch tv.

But that voice has ruled my life for so many years. It’s time to give another voice a shot…

Stay tuned.


Here’s a photo of cindy and I post workout yesterday. Day 16 complete for us both. And you can tell…we worked hard. (couldn’t do this without you Cindy!) xo

me and cindy day 16

#100Days (aka What The Hell Was I Thinking?)


I know.

I know.

Where the hell have I been? I know.

I won’t bother apologizing because I am likely to disappear again at some point. It wasn’t intentional. Every day, I keep thinking to myself “I really need to write something today” and then the day ends. And I didn’t write anything.

But let’s put all that aside for now shall we? I want to tell you about something that I’ve taken on.

I am sure I’m not alone when I say I watched this video and was inspired by it:

Inspired because it had been awhile since I’d taken on anything that stretched me out of my comfort zone. Cold Shower Therapy was definitely one of those things, but that’s almost old news. I’m almost at 800 days and it’s just a part of my life now. It doesn’t dawn on me, ever, not to take a cold shower. It’s just who I am and what I do now. So while it hasn’t become any easier, it’s a part of my life. Just like brushing my teeth. I’ve almost got it mastered. So it felt like the right time to take on something else.

I wasn’t sure what it was going to be, not fully. But I knew it had to be something that would stretch me outside of my comfort zone and have the ability to be an entirely trans-formative experience. I didn’t want this to be about “losing weight” or feeling good about myself. I think those are givens when we take on something we’re not comfortable with. It’s hard not to feel like a bada** when you’re doing things you’ve never done.

Sometime mid-January, I came up with the idea that I would do a #100Day workout challenge. When the idea sprang to mind, I felt sick. I knew there were things I could do…I box, kickbox, I walk, I’ve gone swimming, I’ve worked out with weights, I’ve done hot yoga…so it wasn’t as though I was going from couch to the gym. I was already working out. But my heart wasn’t in it. I didn’t now what I was doing it for. I wasn’t committed to anything.

And then from somewhere…I came up with the notion that by the end of October of this year, I would weigh 100lbs less than I did at the beginning of the year. Even just writing that down makes me a little nauseous. How on earth was I going to accomplish that? Did i have a strategy? Not really. BUT what I did, to get myself started…I shared it. With the friend who owns the gym I work out at. I shared it with friends I worked out with. I shared the goal with co-workers. I just shared it. And the more I share it, the easier it gets to share. So I keep sharing it.

And now I’m sharing it with you.

I don’t know how it’s going to happen. Even now. But doing something for 100 days seemed like a great place to start. So, I chatted with a friend and fellow boot-camper and asked her to join me in the madness. She agreed. on February 1st, we both started our #100Days. And let me tell you something. It has not been easy. Today is Day 12 and yesterday I was about ready to call it quits. As I was on Day 4. My body hurts all the time. I go to crazy a** bootcamp Sunday/Monday/Wednesday and Friday. Friday is the worst. It’s a class I can’t even fathom having done in the past. For a myriad of reasons. I would look stupid. I wouldn’t know what I was doing. I’d be embarrassed. Etc. etc. etc. All of the thoughts/reasons that keep us out of the gym in the first place, no? Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday I box. Which I love.

I’ll admit though, every once in awhile..I want to do something different. Monday I walked and did some stuff at home. Thankfully through the power of Pinterest, I managed to find some at home workouts that are almost as crazy as the one’s we do at bootcamp. Walking is fine, especially when my legs hurt a lot from all the stupid squats. It loosens up my legs and my hips and I sleep better. Oh. Speaking of sleep. I have to be pretty mindful on making sure I get enough of it. Although with the Olypmics on right now, I’ll be honest…I’m having a tough time dragging myself away from the TV. However, I’m inspired by them, so it can’t be hindering anything.

So far, Day 4 and Day 11 are notably the toughest points…so far. I’m going to be honest, every day is pretty tough. But some days are easier than others. If I know I have someone counting on me to show up at the gym, it’s easier to go. Friday night was the first time I couldn’t finish. 45 minutes into the class, I had to call it. My elbows hurt from all the push-ups and my knees hurt from all the squats and all I wanted was to go home and eat an entire bag of epsom salts to see if it would help the soreness go away. I opted for a bath with them instead. Last night, Day 11, I asked for a pep talk on FB and boy oh boy did I get one. I have amazing people in my life, and the support and encouragement and the kick in the pants I needed came from all of them yesterday.

So I went home, put my music in my ears and had a killer a** dance party, complete with push-ups, sit-ups, wall sits, crunches, lunges, and squats, in my house. Whoa nelly. Now THAT was super fun. Sometimes, the most unconventional of workouts is all we need to break up the monotony.

Yes. I could’ve taken the day off and given my body the rest it needed. I could’ve done that. But I promised: 100 days. Cindy had already done her work out. (the friend who agreed to join me), so I felt like I’d be letting her down. But more so…I knew I’d be letting myself down. I knew I had Day 11 in me. I just needed to give birth to it. When I left the class last Friday 15 minutes before it was over, I didn’t feel bad. I knew my body needed to stop. I knew I’d pushed past a limit and it was time to stop. But yesterday…yesterday I just didn’t FEEL like it. No other reason. Well. I often don’t feel like doing things. But if I promised myself I would…I would.

And I did.

What I’ve noticed over the past 11 days are all the thoughts that happen throughout the day. All the old negative messages that I’ve been listening to my whole life that all of a sudden get louder and louder as I get to my scheduled workouts. The chocolate that calls out to me instead of eating the carrots and celery I packed for my lunch. THOSE are the worst culprits. The workouts are easy compared to dealing with those nigglies.

So. I’m here to tell you…no matter what happens, no matter what demons show up and tell me “I can’t” “i shouldn’t” “you’ll look stupid” “don’t embarrass yourself”…I’ll finish out these 100 days without injury. And without compromising anything.

Stick around. You may find something in my process that inspires you. You just never know…


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