Five years ago, I was a hot mess. I had a double quad injury I was dealing with and it went on for ten long months, and the longer it went on, the worse things got. The longer the injury dragged on, the less I took care of myself. The worse it got, the worse I ate and drank. It’s entirely possible I did a lot of binge-eating back then too. It’s hard to believe, looking back that I let myself go like that.
I know it sounds like I’m being hard on myself, but I’m not. I’m just stating facts. Do you know why I’m doing that?
Because the world is full of excuses. There is always an excuse for everything. I always had an excuse at the ready. And then…a friend came over one day and said to me “Rita…this could go either way. How do YOU want it go?” So, no matter how hopeless I was feeling about my injury and how incredibly resigned I was to life being the way it was…I signed up for a very strict nutrition (all natural) program that helped heal my legs in 8 days! it was incredible. And then…life started for me. I made a lot of changes, and then BAM! 3 years later…my relationship ended and I was right back on the couch, crying myself to sleep at night, and slowly but surely, eating poorly, going back to processed foods…all the things I had spent the last 3 years correcting in my life.
I feel like I have no idea how to be successful in this area of my life. Like I’m always finding ways to f**k it up. Like I’m just always going to fail and no one will be very surprised, because this is just how it’s always been. I try. I fail. I try again. I fail again. Over and over the cycle goes. Until I die.
2017 is meant to be the year….wait. Let me rephrase that. 2017 is meant to be THE YEAR. THE YEAR that I conquer all the bullsh*t excuses and move on with my life in a way that makes me feel good. And there’s a lot that goes along with that. A lot of emotional ups and downs. It’s a roller coaster of emotion to be sure. I swear some of the weight I’ve lost is from all the tears I’ve shed.
But as I’ve said before…I promised to give up emotionally eating, so now when those emotions emerge…or surface..I gotta get ’em out. And there’s usually a lot of tears involved. The other day, I was SO angry, after spending the entire day listening to people’s excuses. For everything. One excuse after another. I didn’t even know what to do with myself. i wanted to get into a fight with someone. And I didn’t want to talk to anyone. So around 7pm I decided I would just put myself out of my own misery and go to bed and start again the next day. But…I talked it out. I cried it out. I felt better.
Eighteen years ago, I stopped smoking for good. I have never looked back. Five years ago, I stopped any and all alcohol. I wasn’t ever that much of a drinker, but whatever I was drinking, I stopped doing that, and never really took to it again. Four months ago, I stopped eating processed foods and sugar (mostly), and also, I was born a vegetarian and have remained one my entire life. So…truthfully, I’ve basically stripped myself of all of my excuses and bad habits. (I’m sure if I looked in the corners I’d find some). And I was really mad about that. I don’t have excuses to hide behind. Why? Because when I started this weight loss journey, I promised to share the in between. All of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. I’m here to tell you, there’s a whole lotta ugly.
Life is ugly. Life is beautiful and it’s also ugly. There’s a lot of sh*t we keep inside, that we don’t say and we don’t share, or even acknowledge and that takes away from the quality of our lives. Someone hurts our feelings and we don’t say anything. So that’s a few pounds. We get into a fight with our mom and we don’t say what we need to say. So that’s a few more pounds. Our man breaks up with us. That probably accounts for 20 or so pounds. We lose our job. Well, that’s gotta be worth 30lbs. And it goes on and on. The world isn’t just full of excuses y’know? The world is also filled with circumstances. Some beyond our control and some that happen and it’s entirely up to us how we choose to handle it. Do we fall off whatever wagon we’re on or do we keep going and stay committed to what it is we want?
You can see from the photo below what life looks like when we choose to fall off the wagon. Thankfully…getting back on the wagon and staying put…looks much better on me.
I’m totally gonna do this. Just you wait.
PS Ditch the excuses in whatever area of you life you’re using ’em and see what happens.